Show vs. Tell: fifteen Before/After Fixes You Can Steal

“Show, don’t tell” is good advice, until it becomes a blunt instrument. Telling can be elegant, efficient, and emotionally sharp. The real goal is control: choosing when to summarize and when to dramatize.

Below are practical before-and-after fixes you can apply immediately, plus a simple decision rule for when to show and when to tell.

First: when telling is the right tool

Telling is often best for transitions, time jumps, compressing routine, and keeping pace. If the moment isn’t a turning point, a summary can be a gift to the reader.

The 3-question decision rule

• Is this moment a turning point (a decision, a reveal, a rupture)? If yes, show.

• Will the reader feel something new here? If yes, show.

• Is the purpose purely informational? If yes, tell (cleanly).

15 before and after fixes you can steal

Use these as patterns. Replace the specifics with your own scene details.

• TELL: “She was nervous.” → SHOW: “She checked her phone again, thumb smearing the glass, then tucked it away as if it had burned her.”

• TELL: “He was angry.” → SHOW: “He set the mug down too hard. Coffee jumped the rim.”

• TELL: “They had a great time.” → SHOW: “They lost track of the check twice and laughed when the waiter finally rescued it.”

• TELL: “The room was creepy.” → SHOW: “The air smelled damp, and every sound arrived a beat late, as if the walls were listening first.”

• TELL: “She didn’t trust him.” → SHOW: “She answered his questions with questions, and kept her bag looped around her ankle.”

• TELL: “He felt guilty.” → SHOW: “He rehearsed an apology in his head, then swallowed it when she looked up.”

• TELL: “It was a long walk.” → SHOW: “By the third block, her calves started to burn, and the strap of her bag cut a red line into her shoulder.”

• TELL: “The town hated outsiders.” → SHOW: “Conversations stopped when he entered. Smiles stayed on faces, but eyes slid away.”

• TELL: “She was confident.” → SHOW: “She didn’t rush to fill the silence. She let it do the work.”

• TELL: “He was exhausted.” → SHOW: “He blinked too slowly, like his eyelids weighed more than the rest of him.”

• TELL: “They argued.” → SHOW: “Every sentence began with No or You always, and neither of them heard the words after that.”

• TELL: “She was in love.” → SHOW: “She saved the best story from her day for last, just to watch his face change.”

• TELL: “He was scared.” → SHOW: “He laughed once, too loud, then went quiet and listened for footsteps that weren’t there.”

• TELL: “The meeting went badly.” → SHOW: “When it ended, no one made eye contact. Chairs scraped back like an escape.”

• TELL: “She felt hopeful.” → SHOW: “For the first time all week, she made plans that reached past tomorrow.”

A repeatable rewrite formula

When you spot a flat tell, try this sequence:

• 1. Name the emotion or idea (privately).

• 2. Choose one physical signal (action, posture, voice).

• 3. Add one concrete detail from the setting.

• 4. Let the reader infer the label you removed.

Practice prompt

Take a paragraph from your current draft and highlight every sentence that uses was + an adjective (was nervous, was angry, was happy). Pick just one to revise using the formula above. Small changes compound fast.